Let Your Feelings Flow

I am day 6 I think of the consciousness cleanse. Its whichever day is surrender is. I am supposed to allow my feelings to flow through me regardless of whether they be good or bad. I think I had or have a problem with letting negative feelings, anger, disappointment, hurt.I noticed this over the weekend when someone behaved differently than I expected. My initial response was I'm what did I do wrong. But as the weekend progressed I found myself realizing that I never had allowed myself to make equal standards with other people. I wouldn't say I have been a doormat but I don't make my expectations clear either because I don't think anyone would even try to meet mine or that I'm not worth it. However, I am worth it and I realized this when I looked at the wedding ring set I bought for myself. Would I be ok with anyone else treating my daughter, any friend or my new wife (me) like that. Hell no. So hell no not with me either.
If I have an opportunity to see this person again I am going to thank them for their past behavior as it caused me along with the consciousness cleanse to see that you get what you expect. I never expect anything so when I don't get it I'm not surprised and not angry. I won't even try make anything different. I wasn't wrong and this person will no longer be in my life. Not because I'm angry or hurt but because I can do better. Even if I am alone I'm doing better because everyday I like myself more and more. This evening I had a new caregiver filling but the agency did not give her good directions and this is not new and not limited to this agency. It pisses me off. The house they go to the big one which EMPTY, come on people you can see it's empty look around find the small house with lights and people. I yelled at the after hours lady and it wasn't her fault so I did apologize and said I just really need to tell the agency although I have in the past. A few minutes after the aide got here the nurse Cindy showed up (never usually happens). She wanted to make sure everything was all right. I got the impression she was making sure the aide was alright. I never even raise my voice to anyone. The few times I talked to anyone it was in a harsh bitchy way. I am letting my feelings flow through me. I am also raising the bar higher for all things and relationships in my life. One's I already have and any new one's I may find along the way. Especially my new relationship with myself.