Thursdays seem to come so quickly these days

Yesterday was indeed Wednesday. I know because my friend the Dr. was off and spent time with me having lunch and watching a movie. Girls day because we got to share it with her young daughter. There I was tense at the edge of my seat watching a children's movie. I'm not sure of the name but it was about a place called Nardia. I loved the talking badger and the talking mice. Everytime I see or hear talking mice I think of Fivel and his little song "there are no cat's in America" and his surprise when he found there mice in America. I had a really good day as I finished reading the lessons I have received so far in my Shamanism course, cleaned out my closet with the help of Mayra and tried to emotionally lay low from my former boyfriend. It was really a shock when I saw and admitted to myself that I had allowed myself to be at the least emotionally bullied and at the worst emotionally abused. Having grown up in an abusive environment I can truly say I should have known better. I am not seeing myself as a victim, I never have. I take complete responsibility for how I feel. But again the lesson I have learned from this experience is I must follow my own advice, take care of myself first. And the other lesson is to share who I really am and what happens in my life with my daughter. I keep forgetting she is all grown up and no longer needs to be protected and that she will always love me no matter what. I have always tried so hard to be a good role model to everyone I encountered but especially for my daughter. And i apparently have as she has recently used my own words to show me the error of my ways (don't you hate it when they do that!). It makes you feel like a little kid. I am sure it continue allow our already wonderful relationship grow to a new and even better level.
I heard from my spiritual mentor in the past couple of days. I am so happy. She is always in my heart but now we can communicate in more normal ways. And as soon as I figure out how to link her blog to mine I will do so. She taught me about goddesses, the Feminine Divine and Reiki. She helped me find my spirit. I was looking and the Universe put her right in my path. As a result of my illness and it's effect on my memory, I was unable to access my hotmail account. I couldn't remember my username or my password and microsoft made it impossible to retrieve it. I couldn't even remember the answer to my secret question.
I sent time last night in particular convincing myself I didn't miss a guy I have just recently started seeing. I am so determined to be able to be alone that I am shutting down feelings. And right now I believe it is something I must do to grow to my next level. I don't want to ever need a romantic partner though someday I will find it is okay to want one.
Last night I slipped in the bathroom and fell between the toilet and the bathtub. This was good and bad. It was good because I was able to quite easily pick myself up and get back in my chair. It was bad because all day my side hurt very much. I sat on the couch with the heating pad around me while I read and napped. I still get incredibly fatigued in the middle of the day and even if there is no one hear I wake myself up talking. It's the nacrolepsy that my pulmonologist doesn't believe I have even though I meet the criteria perfectly. Some Dr.'s just don't like informed patients.
In my decades as a therapist I always believed that with a few exceptions I was the best one for the job. And I still believe that to be true in general. However, I have a therapist who is just perfect for me. As I am just shy a dissertation for a Ph.d in parapsychic science and I believe in all things paranormal including intuition, ghosts, spirits, and that we are all part of the Universal force that makes up everything, a more traditional therapist I would not share these things with. As a matter of fact, my dissertation looks at the psychic, the psychotic and the religious mystics/shamans and the similarilities in their brains and brain chemistry leaving only culture to make them either gifted, holy or sick. I am sure that many of the sickiest individauls I have treated or hospitalized really needed someone to teach them about the gifts they had and how to control and use them to benefit themselves and others. In any case, again I am grateful to the universe for putting me with a person who understands and even draws on what I know to increase his knowledge base. I have been reading an article by Judith Orloff, MD and I have learned she is psychic and has been both negatively and positively affected by it. It is more accepted then it used to be and is especially here in Tucson. That may be why I feel so contented here. Well that's it for this entry. More tomorrow.....