Time alone

I have learned so much about myself, life, and perceptions since I have had time alone. For one thing, time alone does not mean being lonely. I have not been lonely when I have been alone. But I have been lonely when I was with others and we had no connection be that a lover, a friend or a family member. And we will never have the connection we want with everybody and we may never feel connected to anyone. Unbelievably so, it is most important that you have and nurture the connection with yourself. I believe this is the connection that gets neglected which cause many physical, emotional and mental problems.
I have also realized that having grown up with no good male role models and a poor female role model I learned early that I needed to take care of myself because I could not depend on anyone else. So my mother was a "helpless", "ill", mother but she was there. I had an abusive step father and 4 other stepfathers that left so little impression that I cannot even remember their names. So where do you look for role models, who do you want to be like? For me, I excelled at school so I was rewarded for good work, for following the rules, for being a good girl and for being smart. So I am an eternal student always wanting to learn through school programs, pleasure reading and learning from the life I live. I also saw that men had control, power, respect so I tried to approach things like a man would. Again this approach was productive for me in my career and in being a student, and it was how I was in relationships. Do I wish I had been different-no way. If I had not chosen the path I chose then I would not be who I am now and I really like her. She's not perfect and never will be but she is open, honest, kind and loving when there were times in her life that she wished she was not all of these things. Now I accept me though I will never stop learning, growing, changing. Life really is an adventure.