Finally Friday

I skipped writing one day so now I'm not sure if it was yesterday or the day before but either way I took my first bath since being sick!!!! Of course my home health aide, Mayra had to help me but oh it was so nice. Some kind of lavender beads took me away-sorry calgon! It's little things like that we take for granted and then when you can't do it boy those little things mean a lot. It's been an emotional week for me but I'm still here and feeling pretty positive about my life. I am trying to be me all the time. And honest if possible without hurting anyone but if necessary I think I am prepared to be honest anyway. I have a support system that encourages me to be me and are accepting of who I am. You know being yourself can be the hardest thing there is to do. Some people may think I'm joking but most women, I can't speak for men, are always trying to please some else. Maybe your family, your children, your husbands/partners, your employer, your friends but when do you really please yourself. Pleasing yourself is not selfish. You have more to give and a better quality you to offer. I have almost always bought my own jewelry well this time I bought a cheap cubic zirconion wedding set. I wear it on my right hand for two reasons. First I feel like a widow because every marriage or long term relationship is dead and even though I did the leaving there is loss and grief. I never allowed myself to even think that let alone feel the grief. The second reason is to remind myself that I must first be married to myself before I can be a special person to someone else. I have to acknowledge what I have done for years and that is look out for myself, watch my back. No one every did that for me though I did it for them until the love was dead. So now I don't look or expect anyone else to do it for me. As a matter of fact I am trying so very hard not expect anything from anyone because when you do thats when you get hurt. Its not anyone's fault but your own, my own. I don't blame anyone not even myself. I'm human I can't always do what it is I want to do or be how I want to be.
Had a wonderful dinner out and so comfortable. Hope very much that this lasts. Funny what you find when you're not looking.